Week FOUR - Worship History

In Dan Wilt's EBook, one of the reflection questions seemed perfect for this blog post. Here's what he asked:

In what ways did a work of art, a building, a piece or performance of music shape your own worship life? Is there a favorite song, or a favorite painting, that has had some significant influence in your life as a worshiper? What is it about that song or work of art that moves you?

I have both a song and a quote from another song to answer this question. In all honesty, I could list one hundred song lyrics that have impacted my life in an intense way. I find that I just cling to lyrics so much during the hard times.

The song that changed my worship life is When the Tears Fall by Tim Hughes. The part of the song that got to me most was these lyrics (it's a big chunk of the song - haha):

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You
I will Praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

I was in a worship band what had monthly C&C worship nights when this song came to my attention. My husband and I had walked a 2 1/2 year journey of infertility and had been blessed with a miracle baby girl and now were 2 years into the journey of 2nd infertility. I never thought God would allow me to walk the road twice. So when this song came into our worship night set-list, it took me a while to be able to sing it and actually MEAN it.

There were a few nights when I could sing "Through the suffering, still I will sing" and be joy filled because I knew praising God was what I needed to do, no matter the circumstance. But there were some nights when singing those words took every ounce of emotional energy out of me and they were sang more in desperation then in belief.

This song gave me permission to hurt AND worship at the same time, which changed everything for me. I was always given the impression worship had to be happy and praise filled. That's not the case and spending time in worship when you are at your lowest point can be the most refreshing and God filled moment you will experience.

The quote that changed the way I LEAD worship is by Misty Edwards (I believe she wrote this, Jesus Culture also performs these words):

I don't want to take about you, like you're not in the room.
I want to look right at you, I want to sing right to you.

So many times when I am leading on stage, I can get distracted by what the congregation is doing, or what the musicians are - or are not doing. This quote runs through my head now and puts me back in the place I should be. Worship is ALL about Him. He's standing right there with us, enjoying our worship. It's so easy to forget in all the logistics. But if we don't believe that He is there and that we are able to sing right to Him, then why are we doing it in the first place??

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Week THREE - Worship History

This week we are focusing on Symbolic Actions in the Church in regards to Worship.

I mentioned this quote already in my little forum write up, but I can't get it out of my head, so I'm going to blog about it. Again, it's from Dan Wilt's EBook:

“A sacrament might best be defined as “An outward sign that conveys an inward grace.”

Right away, this quote made me think of my own baptism. But before I write about that, I really wanted to look up the definition of GRACE. A few of the definitions I found online fit right into my baptism story.

Grace - "A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve."
Grace - "Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people."
Grace - "The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God."
Grace - "Mercy; clemency."

People always asked me when I was in my teens why I, the Pastors daughter, had not yet been baptized? All of my friends had taken the step of baptism, shouldn't I have been with them? Did I think I was holier then them? Did I not feel it was important? Did I feel that being the Pastors kid was enough to get me to Heaven? Did I not have my OWN relationship with Jesus?

None of those were true.

I was NOT a good teenager. I was the Pastor's kid that everyone talked about, that got "told on" often when I was out with my friends doing what I shouldn't have been doing and someone from the congregation saw me. I did all of the bad things that most teenagers don't worry about till they are 17, I did them by 15. Was it a rebellion against my parents lifestyle? Being forced to believe in God? Having to be perfect all the time because everyone was watching me? Or did I just want to try all of those things.

ALL of those were true.

I didn't get baptized in my teens because I KNEW the importance of baptism and I did not feel that I was near the place I should be in my relationship with God to take that step. It wasn't about what everyone around me thought, or what my parents wanted. I could not make that commitment to God until I knew I could stick to it and never walk away from it.

After graduating high school at 17, I went on to Bible School. Not many of my friends were going, as I wasn't really hanging around with Christians at the time of my graduation but I had always wanted to go to Bible School, so I stuck with my plan. This is where my turn around happened. God FOUND me and allowed me to discover who I was in Him. He was patient and allowed me to discover Him when I was ready.

I DID get baptized, at 19 years old, just a few weeks before my wedding to my husband of now 12 years who I met at Bible School. I got baptized because I was committed to God and never wanted to walk away from Him. I FINALLY had found that GRACE inside of me that I had been trying to uncover. The GRACE was from God, but I hadn't allowed myself to really believe it was there, or to accept it.

When I found that GRACE, I was finally willing to have an outward sign telling everyone that I believed in the GRACE of my Heavenly Father and that I was accepting it and wanting to walk in it.

Accepting grace is an ongoing battle, we can feel so unworthy and we need to give ourselves permission to look past the bad we've done and focus on what He has given to us. But I'm so glad I waited until I was ready, until it was on MY terms.

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